Jessica Kagan Cushman

I love these Jessica Kagan Cushman bangles and cuffs. They're exxy though but they're gorgeous. My favourite's the "Does this bracelet make me look fat?" bangle!

Cotton On is God's Gift.

So I was browsing through the Cotton On website. Their website isn't the best, but I definitely think they're one of the best shops ever. Pretty much everything I own is from Cotton On. I decided to print screen some things which caught my eye and share them with all of you by posting them on my blog!

I Love My Mum.

Mum's going to Bangkok in Spring Break and she promised that she'd buy me these beautiful shoes from Forever 21. 
I lovelovelove her!


I'll throw these words out there like confetti at the wedding you and I never had.

I'd like to apologise for my absence from the internet world. I'm not busy or dead, just lazy. I've been super lazy of late. I just can't seem to find the motivation to do anything, and I don't know why. There's so much stuff due but I just can't bring myself to do it, like my One World Essay for Physics which was due last Friday but I'm only half way through. Honestly, I don't understand science anymore. I'm more artistically inclined and linguistic. Speaking of me not understanding sciences, I got my Physics test on Waves back today and well, let's just say that any hope that I ever had of being a physicist was crushed. However I never really wanted to be a physicist so I think I'll be able to carry on with my life. My Physics teacher didn't really appreciate my humour in the test. I hadn't started revising until the night before and when I went to look through my notes in my physics notebook, well there were no notes. One of the questions on the test was "Explain the difference between light and sound waves" so I decided to state the obvious and wrote 'Sound waves can be heard, but light cannot be heard'. I was expecting a mark, or at least half a mark comic relief, but she obviously didn't find it as clever as I did because as I was looking through my paper there was a big 'X' next to that answer. When I did the actual test I struggled through and did what I could. Once I finished what I could of the test I decided to draw a physics themed picture on the back, so I drew a rocket. My physics teacher didn't appreciate my art work either. She did on the other hand like Eva's drawing of a gargoyle and gave it a tick and wrote "Nice!". WITH AN EXCLAMATION MARK!

Last Friday was the Valentine's dance on a boat. It wsa alright I guess; everybody looked so happy and cute! I wore gladiators and my beloved black floral Cotton On dress - which I love; it makes me so happy. I got ready at Sophie's house and I was FREAKING OUT because when we got to Sophie's house she was without electricity and my hair straightener needs electricity to work and it was very distressing. After the dance I went home instead of going to Zoe's party, but dad was actually considering letting me go :o
Anyway here's the conversation that we had once I got into the car.
Me: Errrr.. I guess so
Dad: LET'S GO!
Me: Wait! What's the catch?
Dad: Well, I get to go in 5 minutes before you and pretend to be looking for you. I'll suss the joint out then leave. Then you can come in after I leave and think how cool you'll look coming into the party just after your dad's left and they'll all think that he's been looking for you all over town. You'll look like such a badass! Or I could go in after you and just hang around and watch 'til somebody asks 'Who the fuck are ya?" and tells me to get the fuck out. So what do you think?
Me: Fuck. No. 
Hahahaa, Dad's a legend (Y)

The weekend was good. It was really chill and involved watching lots of Skins and not doing enough homework, but I did do a new t-shirt design for my Personal Project, which is due really soon! Eeeekkkk!
Anyhoo, here's the latest design:

Over the weekend I also found out that Sukriti dislocated her knee during basketball practice! I hope she gets better soon! It was so stressful because she was hurt and because we had dance performances on Monday during P.E. and she's in my group. Luckily the Febster was very understandig and my group gets to perform later :) I feel really guilty for putting a smiley face in a paragraph where I'm talking about Sukriti's injury though. I hope she knows that I love her.

The weekend also saw me fall in love with Lykke Li and We Are Scientists. I think that Keith Murray is beautiful.

The school week up until now has been uneventful, like usual. I've just been getting more and more schoolwork. We have to write short stories for English class and mine's shaping up pretty nicely. We're also going on camp to SaPa soon and I really don't feel like going because I hate Sapa. It smells weird there and I hate hiking. Thankfully we'll only actually be there for 2 nights. The 2 other nights will be on the train which is equally gross. After the trip we have spring break, but I'm just staying home for that. 

Parent teacher conferences are this week too. I'm having mine on Thursday. I'm not nervous about them except for maybe math. Dad's constantly nagging me about math and the nagging's gotten even worse since I announced that I'll be doing Math Studies for my diploma, but I seriously can't do Standard Level. I'm honestly that bad at math. I've never been good at math. Ever.



Here I am in science class not doing my work as per usual. Instead I sit and stare into space and I started thinking about change. The word 'change' evokes a number of different feelings. It excites me, but more than anything it scares me shitless. I'm at that stage in my life where everything around me is changing. This time in two years I'll be at the end of my highschool career and it will be time for me to go out into the real world. 

I honestly have no idea what I'll do once I'm out there or what I want to do with my life. There are two things I could do with my life. I could go straight into school, study hard, get an average 9-5 job, get married, have kids, grow old and die. The other scenario is I go explore the world, meet people, and write and paint. I'd live day by day and things would get tough, but I'd be free. The other scenario is a dream for some but it wouldn't make me happy. I don't even know if I want kids to be honest. I just don't want to live within the social norms and be tied down with a burden like children. Anyway, I can barely look after myself let alone other people.

That was my little philosophical rant for the day. Well no. That's not all; I have problems. Problems of the social sort. I'm awkward and uncomfortable. I don't know how to talk to people at all. My brain just doesn't work normally and I don't know why. I've read all those magazines about how to talk to people but none of it seems to register. Maybe I'd be better at people if I just stopped trying to be good at talking to people. I don't know. People in general confuse me.
I guess this calls for a metaphor. So, it's like we're all radios and I'm tuned onto a different frequency.

There's a Valentine's dance tonight. Yes, one week after Valentine's day. There's not much else to write to be honest. If you want to read something interesting about what's been happening try reading Migara's blog. 


Who wants flowers when you're dead? Nobody.

A quote from The Catcher in the Rye which doubles as a Bring Me The Horizon song, so that just makes "Who wants flowers when you're dead? Nobody" so much more well... amazing and quotable than anything else. Ever. However, it's not a very befitting title seeing as this is a happy blog! "A happy blog?! What?!" Yes, it is official. I've finished my whole 'I hate the world and everything and everybody that dwells upon it' phase, and I'm back to loving everybody and everything again. Which is both good and bad, because my sarcasm and cynicism was in its prime, but overall it's good because it means I'm nicer to be around. So "how did this come about?" you ask. Honestly, I have no idea, it was a lot of things really. I realised that there are people who do care about me. I also went and had a chat with the counsellor and took what she said on board and it's really helped. The biggest thing though was that I realised that I can't dwell on what's happened in my past because I can't change it. It will always be there and it's a part of who I am today. What's done can't be undone. I can't stop everything and completely shut down.
Life goes on and time does heal all wounds.



So last night was the "Fucking Fiesta" and may I just say it was fucking epic. Kudos to the hosts for throwing an amazing party.
I had a great time and it made me feel good. It was good to leave my comfort zone and just have fun without caring about anything else for once.


All your diction's dripping with disdain.

I haven't posted a proper blog lately but seeing as it's a Wednesday, I thought I'd write one. My avid fan Migara has also been begging me to write a blog as well, so this is also partly for him as well! I've been pretty busy lately. Wait, no that's a lie. I just haven't been using my time efficiently, instead I've been leaving everything to the last minute which is why it seems like I'm busy when really I'm not. However, I was just looking over my planner and the next few weeks are shaping up to be quite busy which is good and bad. It's good because it gives me less time to waste wallowing in self pity and I'll be doing something productive for a change. It's bad because there's so much stuff to do, including important stuff. I don't understand why all the big things are happening all at once. Why can't they be spread out? It's all so illogical to me.
I've been feeling a little better this week, but not a lot. I need change, but I know I'm going to get it but I know it won't be for a little while so I'm just going to pull up my socks and get over myself.
Valentine's day is this weekend. No, I don't have a "special someone" nor do I actually want one. If I was somewhere else maybe I would but, well to put it nicely, it's slim pickings here. Infact, more or less non-existant pickings. They're selling roses at school today. I've only sent one but I made a few promises today and overheard some things so I'll be buying a couple more tomorrow. The school's throwing a Valentine's dance, but it's next Friday. It'll be on a boat and last year's Valetine's dance was actually pretty good. I'm thinking about going but I'm not entirely sure if I want to, but I do have a half decent outfit so it's a possibility.
Speaking of outfit's it's been too long since I last posted an outift on Chictopia and on here so that's another thing that needs to get done. On the topic of clothing so many people were wearing gladiators and strappy sandals today at school and since it's getting warmer now I'm going to wear mine tomorrow. I love mine so much!
I can't really think of much else to write at the moment because I really need to go do some work so I'll wrap this up!

OH! I also found this video! The song could be better but I love the video. It's so quirky and cool!

Coming Clean.

I'm a coward.
I hide behind all of these delicate lies that I sing, but I'm trying to come clean.
I'm so lonely, surronded by people who know me but dont know a thing, so I'm trying to come clean.
And every relationship I've ever been in has fallen apart at the seams.
And I'm just afraid I've been singing about love but I'll never find out what it means.
And if I was honest about what the problem is, I'd have to admit that it's me.
This song is beautiful. I love it. Chase Coy is pretty easy on the eyes too <3


Girl Crush.


Farewell Rocketship.

Sweet song and the video's not bad either. The story's uber cuuute!

Sometimes I feel like Alice

Well day breaks and life is as dark as the room
The air is laced with sweet perfume
What is it about morning light that makes everything feel alright?
Well it feels like I have just woke up in a world where down is up
And up is a long way from here
In the big wheels where they keep on turning, they don't slow down they just keep on learning
Well my name's not Alice, but I know how she felt when her world started turning into something else

This is my new favourite song at the moment; I feel like I can really relate to it. A lot needs to get done this weekend but it's hard to think straight or get anything done when I'm drowning in all of this mental clutter.
Perhaps some cleaning out soon?


Re: The word "Best Friend" becomes redefined.

I honestly don't know how I would top Jenns blog:
1) It was beautiful and brought tears to my eyes
2) Her title refers a Chiodos song. (For the ignorant ones out there Chiodos are a god-like (post)hardcore band.) Anyway enough, I did not intend to write this blog about Chiodos' greatness, I intended to write it about Jenns greatness.
Well I'm not too good at expressing my feelings orally (I did not intend that to be sexual in any way). I find it much easier to do so in a written form, and in a bid to keep up with this high-tech age that we live in I thought what better way to express my feelings for one of the greatest people I know than through a blog!
When I think 'Jenn' the words: funny, kind, beautiful, empathetic and br00t4l come to mind. She's always willing to listen, give advice and make me smile when I need it, and lately this has been a lot, and for her I'm always happy to return the favour. Although she's only been in my life for just over a year now I don't know what I'd do if she was to walk out now. Whenever she walks into a room she lightens it up with her warmth and energy, and with out her things would be a hell of a lot duller.
I always feel like Jenn's on the same level as me. She understands me. She's the only other person here who likes what I like. Actually she's pretty much the only person here who's even heard of what I like. She's also introduced me to a lot of new things, as I hope I have done for her too. If it wasn't for her I'd go mad, because she's the only other person here who appreciates the true beauty of hardcore and indie boys. When lip piercings, skinny jeans, fringes and tattoos are mentioned she's the only other person who begins to salivate instead of recoiling in horror. And by doing that she keeps me from going mental, well even more so than I already have and I love this girl for that.

This is Suicide Season.

We stare at broken clocks, the hands don't turn anymore
The days turn into nights, empty hearts and empty places
The day you lost him, I slowly lost you too
For when he died, he took a part of you
No time for farewells, no chances for goodbyes
No explanations, no fucking reasons why
I watched it eat you up, pieces fallen on the floor
We stare at broken clocks, the hands don't turn anymore
If only sorrow could build a staircase, or tears could show the way
I would climb my way to Heaven, and bring him back home again
Don't give up hope my friend, this is not the end
Death is only a chapter
So let's rip out the pages of yesterday
Death is only a horizon and I'm ready for my sun to set
If only sorrow could build a staircase, or tears could show the way
We would climb our way to Heaven, and bring him home again
We would do anything to bring him back to you
We would do anything to end what you're going through
I just thought I'd show some BMTH appreciation. This song is so sad and the lyrics are beautiful. I've been listening to it non-stop. I've started listening to BMTH more after the release of Suicide Season. I think it's great and don't really get what everybody was bitching about. I think that right they're better than ever.

I'm a material girl.

Todays blogpost consists of pictures of pretty things I want from American Apparel and DropDead.
Buy them for me, yeah?


So take me, and save me, and change me and then make me.

Well I'm back at school now. The past two days haven't actually been that bad. Yesterday I had yoga after school and now I'm addicted. I feel so zen now. The yoga teacher said that class won't be on next week because she's taking leave and I actually felt like crying. Today was Shikha's birthday. She's so cute. After school today I had math tutoring and I actually understood!
Speaking of school I wore a super cute outfit today. I'll post a picture of it up this weekend!
Anyway I still feel pretty crap today but yoga's helped take my mind off of things. I'm not sleeping properly and there's so much work to get done. I also still feel really lonely. It's sad how the only people I can really talk to live thousands of miles away.
What else...? Mum and Dad keep being super annoying and saying that it's less than 20 weeks until we go back to Melbourne. Only 20 weeks. 20 weeks is a lifetime for some.
This is just a quick post because school's taking over my life, I'll write more later. Erkkk.



Last night I was super bored so I engaged in my usual passtime of googling. I was googling Paris Hilton and out of boredom I decided to try watching her show "My New BFF", and I LOVED IT! It's officially my new obsession. When I read about it, I was like "....Alright then" but it's actually quite good. I love it. I wish I was on it. Zui Suicide was on it as well, so I was all like "OMG I KNOW HER", even though I don't really. I'm just one of her thousands of MySpace friends. Anyway "My New BFF" is yet another thing which distracts me from doing my Personal Project, however I have actually done a fair bit of work on it, so it's all good.