I miss your embrace, sideways happy face

Once again I'm writing whilst at home on a school day, and once again I'm actually sick. I don't know what's wrong. My immune system just seems to have given up. I've been sick a lot lately. Actually I've gotten sick more times in Vietnam than I did in Malaysia and Australia put together; as beautiful as it is here, it's not very clean.

All this time free time I've had lead me to old issues of NYLON which I had lying around and I decided to listen to some of the musicians mentioned. I decided to take a chance and listen to some of the rap artists mentioned in NYLON and was pleasantly surprised. Although I don't necessarily like rap, I have learnt to appreciate it and have gotten over my whole "RAHRAHRAH I'M SO BR00T4L" and "I hate anything that isn't dark, morbid and depressing" stages. However I still much prefer hardcore to rap, no questions asked.

Aside from homework and perusing through old magazines, all of this spare time has allowed me to think about everything that is wrong with myself. Well, not wrong but the things that I could improve on. I am an avid list maker so I decided to make one of all the things that I want to do/improve on/fix. In a way they're sort of like New Year's resolutions, but you don't have to wait til the new year comes around to engage in some self-improvement!
  1. I want to become better at managing my time
  2. I want to talk to people more
  3. I want to become a better listener and be more understanding
  4. I want to calm down and be more "chill"
  5. I want to get active
  6. I want to eat healthier
  7. I want to be more open minded
  8. I want to be more creative
  9. I want to healthier sleep habits
  10. I want to read more

Those are the main ones, and the only ones that come to mind right away. The first one if the most important however the list isn't really in any particular order. I need to become better at managing my time because at the moment I don't start my homework til 8 and am up until midnight most nights doing it, and in the mornings I am a total zombie. I need my sleep. Anyway I really should be doing homework right now. I'm very easily distracted by things like blogs, MySpace, Facebook, Twitter, MSN, etc. I really don't feel like it though; my tummy hurts so much. I just want to crawl up in bed and cry.


Future Husband.

I just want to eat Jamie Campbell-Bower on toast.

This is fact not fiction for the first time in years

As of late I've been feeling good. I could go so far as to say that I'm happy but I won't because I know that, like most of the things I say, it will come back to bite me in the arse. I also don't want to jinx it.

The hot weather has set in, and I guess it means that summer is either here or it is most definitely on the way. It's hot at the moment, but in comparison to how hot it'll be here in June/July/August, this is nothing. The arrival of summer signifies the end of the school year. Although it's not quite here yet but it's so close. I couldn't be happier that this school year is ending. Grade 10 hasn't been the best experience. I don't mean that entirely, because I loved grade 10 as much as I hated it. As exciting as the end of the school year is, it also means exams. Ick. It also means that people will leave.

Even though I said that I was happy before, I'm also tired. I'm both physically and mentally exhausted. Getting all of my school work done usually means staying up til midnight. When I get to bed I have such a hard time getting to sleep because of all the thoughts running through my head, so in effect I only get about 6 hours of sleep each night. That may be enough for some people, but it isn't enough for me. Getting out of bed in the morning is the hardest thing ever and I walk around in a zombie-like state until about 9 o'clock. Going through the school day on only 6 hour sleep would be okay if it wasn't for P.E. and now P.E.'s even worse because it's so hot and humid outside. The heat and the humidity seem to drain energy.

To make up for my sleep deprivation and lack of energy I've been playing music constantly, hoping that it will give me energy. I love music, even though my attempts at learning instruments all failed. The lyrics inspire me and provoke thought. I hope one day I'll be able to write and draw things that are just as thought provoking and inspirational.

Speaking of though provoking and inspiration things, the other night there was a massive storm that woke me up at around 3 in the morning. As cliche as it sounds, I love storms. I think they're beautiful. I love wrapping myself up in a blanket and staring out the window as I watch the rain fall and lighting flash. I haven't seen a storm like that in ages. There's something about heavy rain which I love. I don't know what exactly. I like how it washes all the dirt away. I love going out after heavy rain because it feels as if everything is clean and everything bad has been washed away. I wish I'd stayed up and watched it for a little longer but I was exhausted and quickly went back to sleep.

Although it has been quite wet, it's sunny as well. I like how clean everything is after the rain and the sun. There's something about bright sunlight that shows everything in a different perspective and makes everything feel alright.


Slip me into something warm; My eyes still scream childhood

I was laying on my bed flipping though my diary when it finally hit me: it's April already. Where has this year gone? So much has happened in such little time and the time really has flown by. January feels like it was only yesterday. It feels like year 10 started the other week, but no, that was eight months ago, and the school year's almost over. In around two months we'll akk be on our summer holidays. In a little over four months it'll be a new school year. I'll be in year 11, and that scares me. It means there are only two years left of high school, then we'll close that chapter of our lives and move on to the "real" world. We've all grown up so fast. The days spent running around on the playground, falling over, scraping knees, crying, then getting back up again two seconds later, don't feel as long ago as they really were. Everything and everybody is so different now. In a way I love how complex and difficult our lives are becoming, and all of this independence, freedom and experience. In a way I hate it too; everything's so complicated and things aren't easy. We have to take not only what we want, but what everybody else wants into account. We have to think about the consequences of our actions. We've also learnt, and are learning how things really are. The world seems so much harsher now, and we've realised that we really are alone. We've learnt the hard way that when things go wrong and we get hurt, they can't be kissed better. We either have to deal with it ourselves, let go or live with the consequences. I miss so much about being a little kid. Everybody was so carefree and no where near as judgemental as they are now; making a friend was as easy as going up to that kid down the street and asking them if they wanted to come over for a swim or play cricket. Now it's nothing like that, but as much as I miss the simplicity of being a child, I do love all the drama of being a teenager and I honestly I really wouldn't go back in time.
I was looking through old photos from this time last year and I've changed so much since then, both physically and as a person. I've grown up so fast. Everybody has. It's amazing. I don't notice people changing as it happens, unless it's something drastic, but when I do it really does take my breath away. As hard as growing up is, it's an adventure in itself and, as cheesy as it sounds, we should enjoy every minute of it. It awful at the time, but some day we'll look back at all this and smile.



I stumbled across these today and found them muchos excitingos!
Ray Bans have come up with these: Colorize glasses. They're Wayfarers which you can customise yourself! I personally think they're brilliant because it means no more thoughts like "Oh god, she's wearing the same glasses as me" and thinking that she looks better in them that I do.
I like them so much that I can get over my hate of American spelling.
Ray Bans ftw!

I want to sleep in the city that never wakes up, and revel in nostalgia

Love's a risk, quite the little escapologist,
Love's so miffed, When you wish for a thousand places better than this, 
He wants to sleep in the city that never wakes up, 
Blinded by nostalgia he wants to sleep in the city that never wakes up, 
She was enraged, by the way, that the emperors were trapped in the cage, 
And the days, She'd seemed dull, The empty nights spent reading beer bottles, 
You're such a fugitive but you don't know what you're running from, 
You can kid us, You can't trick anyone, 
Houdini you don't know what you're running from, 
It's a loss just because, it wasn't all you thought it was, 
You're the fugitive but you don't know what you're running away from, 
She said "I want to sleep in the city that never wakes up and revel in nostalgia" 
He wants to sleep in the city that never wakes up, 
But Dorothy was right though

You should all go listen to "Old Yellow Bricks" by the Arctic Monkeys now. I've been listening to it non-stop.

It's late Saturday afternoon and I'm sitting here with my laptop on lap reflecting on the day that h
as passed and I am content. Unlike a lot of other days I feel like I actually did something today, and that makes me happy. 
The day didn't start out very well, I woke up at quarter to 8 on a Saturday morning. I was still tired so I wanted to go back to sleep but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't. So I decided to get up and do something which I haven't done in about a week: exercise. Usually just thinking about physical activity upsets me but this morning I genuinly felt like moving. It was weird. I didn't actually want to go outside though so I popped in a Gossip Girl DVD and watched while I rode the exercise bike. The time flew by, and it also rekindled my love for Gossip Girl. I love that show. All the beautiful people, beautiful clothes and dramatic storylines make me froth at the mouth. No lies. I especially love Leighton Meester, Blair. I think she's beautiful and she's one of my many girl crushes. After  my exercise and Gossip Girl I freshened up and did some sketching and painting. Lately I've been experimenting with water colours. I'm not too keen on them. I much prefer just using coloured pencils tbh. For lunch we had Thai food. It was waaaaay too spicy for me and I drank about a litre of water in one sitting. I fail at being Asian. After lunch mum and I went shoe shopping. I love shoe shopping here simply because when they tell you they don't have your size it's not as if it's your fault, like you can't go exercise and diet to make your feet smaller. You simply just can't help it, well as far as I know, and it isn't as bad for my self esteem. Sadly my feet are too big and there were no shoes in my size. I thought size 7/38 were normal, apparently not. Owh well. I was looking for plain black patent leather round toed heels for MUN in two weeks time. I already have a pair of black round patent leather round toed heels but they're sequined and well, I think, I'd look like a dick if I wore them in the day time. I guess they're not that noticable, anyway they'll be my last resort. They did have some shoes in my size but I'm really picky about shoes and a lot of the shoes here have disgusting and uneccessary decorations
on them that just completely ruin the whole shoe and they really put me off. I did actually find one nice pair of shoes which fit and everything but one of them was scratched and the lady wanted a ludicrous amount of money so my mother insisted that we barge out of the shop without a second glace. I'm kind of scared of her so I did as she said. While we were walking around some weird Vietnamese guys tried to trip me over and made some comments about me in Vietnamese. I hate it when they do that. Why can't I just walk around like a normal person without being called "fat", "ugly", having something perverted said about me or laughed and pointed at. It erks me. It wasn't as if I was asking for attention today either. I was wearing leggings and a baggy singlet with a cardi on top. What also really erks me is when guys who are like 30 do it; I'm 15 for fucks sake! Anyway that was my little rant for the day. So after coming home empty handed I got onto my tablet hoping to do some school work but ended up watching videos of Mitchell Davis on YouTube. I'm very easily distracted. But seriously, I love his videos; he's so funny. When I got home I also checked on my water colour experiment and I wasn't very impressed. The pictures don't turn out to well because: 
1) I suck at painting
2) I don't have small brushes to do all the ickle things so I just end up smudging it all
Maybe I'd like painting more if I had better brushes. Next time I'm near an arty shop I'll go buy some.

Psssssssssst, I also have a new blog header!


Take off your colours, Who are you wearing them for? All respect was left at the door.

Two blogposts in a row, yeow! Well I was sick today , so I spent yet another day at home. Thankfully I didn't miss anything important. It was athletics day today, but I missed it because I was actually sick. I don't mind staying at home when I'm pretending to be sick but being home when you're actually sick isn't quite so wonderful. However, all this time alone has given me time to think about myself. I've decided to grow up and just get over myself and other things. Yeah, sometimes shit gets bad but that's life. I've cleaned some things up and I'm ready to make a fresh start. Anyway, back to athletics day. I was away today and Lions, the house I'm in, won. That says a lot. The last sports day at school was the swimming carnival in which I actively participated and my house came last. I didn't show up to this one and my house won. I get the point now. Sports have neve been my forte. Well no, that's a lie. Believe it or not I used to play teams sports quite well and swam, played tennis and horse rode weekly, but everything went downhill once puberty hit. Lame.

Well, I'm back to school tomorrow! This is good and bad depending on who you are and how you look at it. I'm happy to be going back because it means I'll get to interact with other human beings face-to-face and I'll get to breathe in the fresh air etc. I'm sad because it means no more sleeping in, humanities presentations, french written assessments, math tests, no tea, and face-to-face interaction with other human beings. Owh well, you can't always win. 

There's not much to write since I didn't do much today. I did more sketching however! I love designing clothes. Clothes make me happy. Not just owning them but the way they look and just everything about them. When I grow up I want to wake up every morning and look forward to going to work, and I know working in fashion would do that for me. What makes me sad is thelack of fashion in Vietnam. It's all very uninspiring. I try my hardest to see the beauty in things, but honestly, the fashion here makes me want to vomit. No joke. Maybe it's different in the south but in Hanoi it's awful. To make up for it I spend copious amounts of time browsing clothing store websites, fashion magazine websites, chictopia, lookbook and random blogs for inspiration. There are so many beautiful and creative people out there. I wish I had the guts to dress like that but people here aren't so open minded nor do they understand so I'm pretty sure they'd make fun of me. I know I shouldn't care, but I do. At the moment my wardrobe is also pretty limited but I'm looking forward to going back to Melbourne for the summer and making some purchases. This summer it'll be winter in Melbourne, if that makes sense, and I adore winter clothing. I love all the layering and knits. I'm thinking about whether or not I want to invest in a leather jacket, but they're quite expensive. The ones I've seen and liked have all been over $100 and I don't want to blow my budget. I'd also only get to wear it for a few weeks before coming back to the Hanoi heat. I also don't know if I could pull it off. I'm also planning on buying several cardigans and oversized jumpers. I also want several pairs of coloured/patterned tights and a nice pair of ankle boots. I have my eye on a pair by Rubi atm and they're not too expensive either. Aside from clothes I'm also planning on getting the second hole in my ear lobe re-pierced because I miss it. I'm also thinking about whether or not I want a tragus piercing but it would be awfully painful and I'd need to convince my parents, but most importantly, like the leather jacket, I don't know if I could pull it off. Anyway it's just an idea.

In other news! Babycakes released their sunglasses, which is really exciting! What makes it even more exciting is that Hanna Beth is modelling them. I would go gay for her, no questions asked. Just the fact that she's wearing them is enough to make me want to buy the glasses.


I have learned that even landlocked lovers yearn for the sea like navy men

I was sick today, so I didn't go to school. In some ways this is good but in some ways it's bad. I liked it because I got to laze about drinking various teas and munching on orange strepsil whilst sketching, reading and listening to a lot of Death Cab For Cutie. On the other hand it sucked because my head and throat were hurting like hell. Mum also went out for the day to "get out of my hair" so I was awful lonely. Usually I like being alone but being sick at the same time isn't so great. It also hasn't been so great because I can't eat anything without feeling like vomiting every where even though I am kind of hungry.
I'm going to stop blithering inanely now. Oh! I also finally took pictures of the shoes now. Please ignore my face, my only option was to take pictures of them on the webcam seeing as I don't have a digital camera nor do I have a phone camera because I don't have a phone anymore. What a terrible life I have. Speaking of phones, my parents have decided that I won't be getting a new one until June because apparently I can get a slightly less crap one for the same price of a crap one here in Melbourne. OH! Speaking of Melbourne, we're booked our plane tickets and I'll be going back for 8 weeks on 15th June. That's only 68 days away. How scary, yet delightful! Anyway I've changed my mind about the shoes and quite like them and I really just want to share them with all of you now :}


Suburban Kids With Biblical Names,

Lykke Li, Sigur Ros, I'm From Barcelona. I'm falling in love with Scandinavian music, I'm not sure if Iceland is part of Scandinavia but I think it is. It's different, it inspires me and it makes me smile. That's what music's supposed to do, yeah? Yesterday at assembly the music class performed 'We're From Barcelona' by I'm From Barcelona, and that pretty much made my day.

Aside from Scandinavian music another one of my new obsessions is Twitter. At first I thought the whole concept of it didn't really appeal to me but after being persuaded into creating an account the other night I've become addicted. It gives me an undeserved sense of importance because I have 16 people following me, some of which are completely random. I've also become addicted to following other people, well "celebs". There are also the randomest "famous" people on Twitter, as in Chewbacca and Condoleeza 'Condi' Rice. It makes me lol. My dad wanted to get Twitter but I said he couldn't but now that I actually have one myself and understand it, I'm thinking of letting him get one for shits and giggles.

Well, I'm writing this post from chemistry class. We have a sub. Actually for a lot of my lessons this week I've had subs, I don't know where the teachers have gone. Because of the all the subsitutes a lot of this week's lessons have been unproductive, difficult to understand and pointless. Most of my time's been spent 'tweeting' and looking at the NYLON website. I used to this NYLON was rubbish but it really has started to grow on me. 

Towards the end of this week I've been feeling a little unloved but I deserve it so I'm not too fussed about it. To kind of escape from the feeling I sat with some different people at lunch time. They were lovely. 

Anyway it's a Friday and unlike a normal teenager I'm not really looking forward to the weekend because there's a shitload of homework waiting for me. Ew. Today I have the orthodontist straight after school which means French people sticking their fingers in my mouth. Joy. This blogpost isn't to enthralling. Nor was the last one. Science class doesn't really inspire me. Infact lately I've been feeling uninspired; I haven't designed, sketched or written anything in a while. It feels like there's nothing to write about. I'm not sure if it's me or the place I'm in. I have a feeling it's the place though. I need a change. It's so dull here. Everything is. The weather, the people, the landscape. There's no fashion or music scene here to inspire me. All the colours outside are dull and muted. It's all very depressing. I can't wait til the summer so I can leave and have a well deserved break from this place. 

Speaking of the weather, may I just say that the weather here is crap. The weather forecasts for Hanoi always seem to be wrong as well. I have this theory that the weather reports are all a communist conspiracy. I shall delve further into that later though because I'm not really in the mood for writing write now. 

Later I'll post pictures of the shoes mum bought me from Thailand which, after a week, I'm still unsure of; I can't tell if they're trendy or just plain trashy. 


Innocence and arrogance entwined, in the filthiest of minds

I'm really bad at keeping up with my blog. I go through phases where I post blogs nonstop, and then there are times where I just don't. Sorry. Lately I've been really tired and have just felt like crawling up into a ball and staying there forever. Everything has been busy. School is hectic. There are so many things that need to be done. Thankfully this weekend's a long weekend but there's so much work waiting to be done that it won't feel like a holiday at all. I hate how school does this. After this long weekend there's one more long weekend then it's just solid school for a while but then it'll be summer! Melbourne here I come!

Recently I've noticed that looks can be deceiving, and I don't mean this in a bad way. The people who seem the most innocent can be the complete opposite. For example, recently I was with somebody who is the stereotype of docile Asian boy. I turned away for like 5 seconds, then turn back around to find him buying a packet of cigarettes. I was taken aback. Also the people who seem cold or "scary" sometimes turn out to be the most caring and empathetic of all. I love it when I make discoveries like that.

I've also discovered Twitter. Well I didn't 'discover' it per se. I'd heard of it before and sort of thought it was lame. Anyway a friend of mine convinced me to sign up and now I'm addicted. It's just like updating your Facebook status but that's all it is. Brilliant! It's tres addictive. You should all get one.

Today I was rather sulky because I didn't get my way but after conversing with my father via email I've decided that it's just life and there will be other times. I'm also really tired and have lots of school work so it wouldn't be wise anyway. Speaking of school work I've gotten two good grades this week. I was very suprised, but happy nonetheless!

This blog post lacked depth and the content wasn't that great. Sorry. But I really need to get started on my homework. Particularly my MUN policy statements which were due, what? 3 weeks ago. Hah. I feel obligated to do them now because Ms. Hofman hugged me yesterday.I also need to get started on my commentary. Ew.